Death Keeps Dragging me Down

[Midnight]

My mood for the most part has been really shitty lately.....I can't even stand to be on my desk top anymore....typeing makes my arms hurt and I just want to cry.I been suffering from depression for awhile now and I never really been depressed like this for a few years now....,but now I am just down in everything. Everything I do makes me wanna cry.....and I find myself playing the ps3 all day with the only since of happiness that I seem to get . I miss rping,but I am not so sure what is wrong other then being depressed and I am even struggling to type this on my desk top. My arms feel so heavy and my fingers feel glued together....guess the other part could be no one seems interested in my plots or ideas anymore......that or just short posts make me wanna throw my computer against the wall and break it into a million pieces.

My muse sucks right now....so I need longer posts to help me feel continued to something...just like a book would do.

Believe it or not people still ask me why I would name this site after a terrorist group and half the time I just want to stab them in the eye and call them retarded uneducated people,but then I wouldn't get any members if I did that now would I.lol

honestly I just need some inspiration to keep my muse up anymore. As for my mood and my arms acting stupid when I am on my desk top beats me....

[Midnight]

eh no one likes a word count even me because sometimes I do post short ,but I don't want it all the time.I have tried it here a couple times and my members could really care less about a word count....I had one here and they totally ignored it...even after countless times of me saying short posts just turn me off.....I don't know why,but they just do.....I guess I am the type of person who likes words.....guess you would feel the same if you was trying to get to know someone or try to see if you wanted to date someone online and they only replied with"I know"or something short....once in a blue moon I'll find people who would write a book with me and I am like"wow you really care about talking to me"so I guess in a sense short posts to me...feel like the person either doesn't care or.....they have no muse either......or...my favorite...."oh it takes me months to come up with a good reply"if it takes you months then you sir are not a good roleplayer either.

A good roleplayer is someone who can inspire other people to read it...believe it not once upon a time this site had a huge fan club....people would come just to read the roleplays,but now I guess they feel like me.

As for the power's new love...you can fit the dino into it....shouldn't be to hard I went and reread it.

[Midnight]

or the other thing would be my nephew coming downstairs in the morning and being loud on purpose so I can't think of anything to post and get all pissed off and get off....like today and I am sitting here mumbling I wish he would shut up so I could think and then mom gets all over me about I am so mean to Aiden and what not,but he does that shit on purpose and it is hard to think of a post when ya got a kid going around making noises on purpose cuz he knows it makes you mad....which is why I wish I had a laptop so I can disappear in my room to post or rp....it's hard to think with blah blah blah in your ear and banging around noises.....blah I guess I am just moody anymore.